Three children in tee-shirts and shorts play outside in the grass blowing bubbles and smiling

Dr. Minami says that understanding a child's happiness is essential for nurturing their mental well-being

What does it mean for a child to be truly happy? Happiness in children is not about constant smiles or an absence of struggles — it is an emotional state characterized by contentment, joy, and other positive feelings. 

A child’s happiness has a direct impact on their emotional and physical health. Happy children tend to perform better academically, develop stronger social bonds, and exhibit higher self-confidence. Conversely, children who struggle with happiness may experience anxiety, difficulty forming relationships, or physical health issues such as sleep disturbances and digestive problems.

Jennifer Minami, MD, child, adolescent, and adult psychiatrist at Loma Linda University Behavioral Health, says that a happy child experiences a full range of emotions that are appropriate to different situations, such as the feeling of joy when good things happen, sadness during loss, and anger when things seem unfair. The key is the intensity and timing of these emotions.

Additionally, Minami says that a happy child can typically answer the question, “What do you like about yourself?” with confidence since they are securely attached, self-assured, and well-adjusted in school, at home, and in social settings.

While a happy child demonstrates a mix of positive emotions and resilience in the face of challenges, it can still be challenging for parents and caregivers to identify and nurture happiness in their children.

Minami addresses seven key indicators of a child’s happiness as well as strategies to nurture a child’s well-being.

Signs of a happy child

  1. Smiles, laughter, and excitement about what they do day-to-day 
    A child who frequently smiles, laughs, and shows enthusiasm about daily activities, whether during school, playtime, or spending time with family, demonstrates contentment and emotional well-being.  

  2. Positive self-esteem 
    Children who recognize and feel proud of their accomplishments, strengths, and skills tend to feel secure and valued, which contributes to their overall happiness. 

  3. Good sleep habits 
    When it comes to sleep, happy children tend to follow a consistent bedtime routine and have developed self-soothing skills, such as using a favorite blanket, calming music, or white noise to fall asleep. 

  4. Healthy appetite 
    Appetite is an important indicator of emotional stability. Since the gut often reflects emotional well-being, happy children typically have a healthy appetite and a well-functioning digestive system.   

  5. Enjoys socializing 
    A happy child finds pleasure in spending time with family and friends. As they grow, their social preferences evolve, shifting from family-centered interactions to peer-focused connections. Young children typically prefer the company of their primary caregivers, such as parents, grandparents, or babysitters. As they start school and begin making friends, while those friendships become important, the primary adult figures in their lives are still their preferred “home base.” In adolescence, children start to desire more independence and privacy from their adult figures. Minami emphasizes that this is a normal part of development where a child’s focus shifts to spending time with friends.  

  6. Engages in in-person friendships, not just online interactions 
    For older children, social media is a significant part of modern interactions, with approximately 90% of adolescents in the United States using it daily or constantly. A happy child still prioritizes face-to-face friendships. In-person socialization helps build crucial emotional skills like conflict resolution and empathy. 

  7. Handles setbacks well 
    Life is not always fun, easy, or happy. Well-adjusted children have the resilience and skills to manage when things are difficult or don’t go the way they expect. For example, if an elementary school-aged child anticipates their favorite school lunch but finds the menu has changed or the item is unavailable, how do they react? Can they adapt, accept the unexpected, and choose an alternative? Or do they become overwhelmed, crying, yelling, or reacting with frustration?  When faced with minor disappointments, happy children can adjust and move forward rather than reacting with excessive distress.

Read: Access to therapy for children aged 8 - 17 just got a lot easier

Tips for nurturing a child’s happiness 

It’s a misconception to think that someone is happy all the time. An adolescent can show signs of happiness, such as smiling, friendliness, or being agreeable, while they are inwardly struggling with self-confidence and sadness. 

It’s important to acknowledge and make space for a range of emotions from a child so that they can openly express and learn to manage their emotions. Managing children's negative emotions can be challenging for adults without becoming emotional themselves. 

Minami offers these tips to help nurture happiness while acknowledging the full range of human emotions.

  • Limit interruptions: Validate a child's feelings by listening, not interrupting. Just because we allow a child to say they are sad or upset does not mean we have to agree with them. Instead, it shows that you can listen and hear their perspective.

  • Understand: Seek to understand a child’s perspective rather than correcting or blaming them for their emotions. For example, instead of saying, “You wouldn’t have gotten that grade if you had tried harder,” a parent can foster understanding by saying, “Tell me what made it so hard for you to study for this class.”

  • Foster in-person interactions to build confidence in social situations: Making and maintaining friendships is one of the most challenging and complex developmental tasks of childhood. It requires learning how to manage introductions, minor rejections, awkward moments, and conflicts. Even adults find this difficult at times. As a result, children need practice — tons of it. This is best done in-person. When this practice is done on the internet, it is easier to “unfriend” someone, replace them with a new friend, and avoid the challenging parts of socializing with peers. It can be a sign a child is unhappy or struggles with using these complex social skills if all their socializing is online. It’s important to create opportunities for children to build in-person peer relationships, even if it means they will flub sometimes or run into difficulty. It’s part of the learning process, and parents can provide support and help navigate these situations.

  • Breaks: For difficult conversations, if possible, take a break or switch out with another adult in the room to handle the situation while you calm down.

  • Breathe: During moments of challenging emotions, take a breath and check your own emotions.

If your child struggles with happiness, they might benefit from therapy. To put their mental health at the forefront of their development, schedule a free assessment or call us at 909-558-9113.