ICU Physician Becomes ICU Patient

Paige Stevens, MD, joined the Loma Linda University Children’s Hospital team as an attending physician in its Pediatric ICU on July 1, 2023, following the completion of a fellowship at Stanford University. Six weeks later, Paige suddenly found herself on an unforgettable journey that introduced her to healthcare from a patient’s view and taught her more about being a physician than years of formal education ever could.

At home after a long shift on August 14, 2023, Paige was exhausted and asleep on her couch. She was startled awake by her mother, who is also a pediatric physician, listening to her chest with a stethoscope. Her mother ultimately insisted Paige get checked out at the emergency department, refusing to take no for an answer. Exams and tests ultimately led to Paige being diagnosed with Primary Mediastinal B-Cell Lymphoma (PMBCL) and undergoing six months of chemotherapy.

Paige started journaling about her experiences on the Caring Bridge website to keep family and friends updated on her medical journey. As 2023 ended, some of Paige’s mentors at Stanford encouraged her to submit a journal article about her unique experiences as an ICU physician who became an ICU patient.

Realizing an article could help her heal as she expressed some of her emotions, Paige had also learned several important perspectives she wanted to share as she wrote her piece in January 2024.

While it proved challenging to sit down and relive the emotions and traumatic experiences of that initial hospitalization, Paige found the writing process reminded her of the grace and beauty in the situation. It was helpful to relive the experience through a new lens and to have a chance to rewrite the narrative. She hoped she could turn her story into one in which people could see beauty and hope.

“I wanted to share the beautiful way in which the entire medical team came together time and time again to care for me during the most difficult few weeks of my life,” she recalls. “I hoped this would be a lasting way to acknowledge and thank them for their care.”

She also used her piece to emphasize the importance of a patient’s spiritual care with the larger clinical community, something Loma Linda University Health has taught for more than 100 years.

“During medical school, I was instilled with the belief that addressing the spiritual needs of patients is integral to our work as physicians,” Paige said. “It has been immensely meaningful to receive spiritual care from so many physicians and staff here at LLUMC.”

Paige’s powerful article appeared in the June 18, 2024, edition of the Journal of the American Medical Association. She hopes God will use her story to inspire others.

Paige says her journey has taught her that it is a privilege to be a patient who is also a physician. Not all patients fully understand their disease or treatment plans and the risks and implications of therapies and procedures.

“I feel very fortunate to have the knowledge and ability to research all the various options so that I can make the most informed decisions possible,” she said. “This experience has taught me how complex navigating the healthcare system is, even for someone with an ‘MD’ behind their name.”

Paige’s training as an ICU physician also meant she knew every possible thing that could go wrong. At those times, she found reassurance from Joel Brothers, MD, her oncologist, whose excellent care inspired trust in her entire family.

“I was trained to hope for the best but plan and prepare for the worst,” Paige said. “Dr. Brothers helped me understand that most patients with this disease do very well and live long, successful lives. “

Unfortunately, Paige’s situation has significantly changed since she wrote the JAMA article. Just a few months after completing her initial chemotherapy, a CT scan showed tumor progression and forced her medical team to start a new treatment plan. Physicians at Loma Linda University Health consulted with the NIH and diagnosed her with Gray Zone Lymphoma, a rare blend between PMBCL and Hodgkin’s disease. She is currently undergoing therapy with immunologic chemotherapy and radiation. Fortunately, on July 12, 2024, she received the good news that her tumor is in remission. She will finish radiation therapy and then continue the immunologic chemotherapy for one year in order to prevent any relapses.

Although Paige has been unable to return to clinical medicine because of ongoing therapy, she believes this experience will fundamentally change how she cares for patients in the future. 

“One of the biggest things I learned is to take time to hold space for those who are mourning,” she said. “Simply acknowledging the loss, hurt, and overwhelming nature of illness can go a long way in letting a patient know that you care and are with them.

“It still brings tears to my eyes when I think about the kind nurse who took my hands and said, ‘You don’t have to be so brave. It’s OK to grieve, and I’ll be here with you,’” she said. She plans to one day sit with patients and their parents and provide a safe space for them to express fear and sorrow.

“Moreover, I hope to be a physician who can help my patients bring their fears and sorrows to the Great Physician through prayer.”

To learn more about the resources offered to cancer patients, visit the Loma Linda University Health Cancer Center website.